Identity
What nonbinary means: genders beyond man and woman, pronouns and everyday respect
A plain guide to nonbinary identities, the words people use, how pronouns work in different languages and simple habits that make daily life easier for nonbinary people.
Nonbinary describes people whose gender is not only man and not only woman. Some nonbinary people feel they are a mix of both. Some feel they are neither. Some feel their gender moves over time. Others simply know that the two standard boxes do not describe them, without needing a more precise word.
The word binary means “made of two parts”. Many societies organise gender as a binary: you are expected to be either a man or a woman, and to stay that way. Nonbinary people show that, for some humans, gender is not that simple. This guide explains the main words, how nonbinary relates to being trans, how pronouns work in different languages and what you can do to make everyday situations easier.
A quick answer to the most common questions
| Question | Short answer |
|---|---|
| Is nonbinary a gender identity or a sexual orientation? | A gender identity. Nonbinary people can have any orientation. |
| Are nonbinary people trans? | Many say yes, because their gender differs from the sex assigned at birth. Some prefer not to use the word trans for themselves. |
| Do nonbinary people have to look androgynous? | No. Clothes and appearance are expression, not identity. |
| Do all nonbinary people use “they”? | No. Some use they, some use he or she, some use other pronouns, some use only their name. |
| Is nonbinary new? | The English word is fairly recent. The experience, and other ways of naming it, are much older. |
The nonbinary umbrella
Nonbinary works as an umbrella word and as a personal identity. Under the umbrella, people use more specific terms when those help them explain themselves:
- Genderqueer: an older word, popular from the 1990s, for a gender that does not follow binary rules. Many people still use it.
- Agender: having no gender, or feeling that gender does not apply to you.
- Genderfluid: a gender that changes over time, sometimes from day to day, sometimes over months or years.
- Bigender: experiencing two genders, together or at different times.
- Demigirl / demiboy: feeling partly connected to being a girl or woman, or a boy or man, but not completely.
You do not need to learn every word. If someone tells you a label, you can ask what it means to them, because the same word can be used slightly differently by different people. Our guide to what queer means explains why some people prefer a broader word to a precise one.
Nonbinary and trans
A transgender person is someone whose gender identity differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. By that definition, nonbinary people fit under the trans umbrella, and many describe themselves as trans and nonbinary. Others do not use the word trans, sometimes because they associate it with binary transition, from man to woman or woman to man, which is not their experience.
Both choices are valid. What matters in daily life is following the words each person uses. Some nonbinary people take medical steps, such as hormones or surgery, to feel more at home in their bodies. Many do not. Our guide to what transgender means explains social, legal and medical transition in more detail.
Not new, and not only Western
The English term nonbinary became widely used in the 2010s, but people living outside a strict two-gender system appear in many places and periods. Several cultures have long recognised roles or identities beyond man and woman:
- In South Asia, hijra communities have existed for centuries. India’s Supreme Court recognised a legal third gender in 2014, and Nepal and Pakistan have also introduced official third-gender options.
- In Juchitán, in the Mexican state of Oaxaca, muxe people are part of Zapotec cultural life.
- In Samoa, fa’afafine are a recognised part of society.
- Some Indigenous people in North America use the term two-spirit, adopted at a gathering in Winnipeg in 1990, to describe roles rooted in their own nations’ traditions.
These are specific identities with their own histories, languages and meanings. They are not simply local words for nonbinary, and people outside those cultures should not adopt them as labels. They do show that dividing all humans into exactly two genders is one cultural choice among others, not a universal rule.
Pronouns: how language makes room
In English, many nonbinary people use they and them, as in “Sam left their bag here; I’ll give it to them tomorrow.” Singular they is not a new invention. English speakers have used it for centuries for a person whose gender is unknown, as in “someone left their umbrella”. Using it for a known person simply extends a familiar habit. Some people use newer pronouns, called neopronouns, such as xe or ze. Others use he or she while still being nonbinary, or prefer that you just repeat their name.
Other languages face different challenges, because grammar may mark gender in nouns, adjectives and verb endings, not only in pronouns:
- Portuguese and Spanish speakers have created forms such as elu (Portuguese) and elle (Spanish), along with endings in -e, as in amigue.
- French speakers use iel, a blend of il and elle that some dictionaries now list.
- Swedish added hen, a gender-neutral pronoun, to the Swedish Academy’s official word list in 2015.
- In German, Polish and Romanian there is no widely accepted standard yet; many nonbinary people use their name, rephrase sentences or choose from several proposals.
If you speak a language where neutral forms are still debated, the most respectful approach is practical: ask what the person prefers and do your best. Avoiding gendered words, using the person’s name and rephrasing sentences can work in almost any language. Our guide to names and pronouns covers mistakes, corrections and privacy.
Expression is not a uniform
Nonbinary people do not have a standard look. One nonbinary person wears dresses and long hair. Another wears suits. Another changes style constantly. Androgynous clothing is a choice some people enjoy, not a requirement.
Expecting nonbinary people to “look nonbinary” creates an impossible test. It also puts pressure on people who may not be safe to express themselves freely at work, school or home. A nonbinary person in a conservative office may dress in a way that avoids attention. That does not make their identity less real.
Everyday situations and simple fixes
Most of the difficulty nonbinary people face comes from systems built for two options. Small changes help a lot.
Forms. If a form asks for gender, ask whether you really need the information. If you do, offer more than two options, or a free-text field, and an option not to answer. Ask for title only if necessary, and include Mx (pronounced “mix”) where English titles are used.
Groups and greetings. “Ladies and gentlemen” or “hi guys” assume everyone fits one of two categories. “Hello everyone”, “welcome, all” or “dear guests” work for everyone and sound perfectly natural.
Bathrooms and changing rooms. A single-occupancy or all-gender option, clearly signed, helps nonbinary people, parents with children of another gender, disabled people with carers and anyone who wants privacy.
Teams and activities. When groups are split by gender, consider other ways to divide them: by birthday month, by numbers, by interest.
Documents. Some countries, including Argentina, Australia, Canada and Germany, offer an X marker or another non-binary option on at least some official documents. Rules differ greatly and change over time, so check what applies where you live before relying on it.
Myths that get in the way
“It’s just a phase.” Some people’s understanding of their gender changes, and that is fine. Many nonbinary people have known themselves for years. Either way, the respectful response is the same: use the words they use now.
“Biology only allows two.” Nonbinary is about gender identity, not a claim about chromosomes. Biology is also more varied than school diagrams suggest, as intersex people show, but a nonbinary person does not need a biological explanation to be respected.
“They’re doing it for attention.” Being openly nonbinary often brings unwanted attention, including questions, jokes and hostility. Many people would find it easier to stay quiet.
“Using they is grammatically wrong.” Major English dictionaries and style guides now recognise singular they for a specific person. Language has always adapted to describe people better.
If you are wondering whether you are nonbinary
You do not need a certain feeling, a certain look or a certain history. Some people notice discomfort when they are called a man or a woman. Some feel relief when someone uses a neutral word for them. Some simply find that nonbinary describes them better than any alternative.
You can try things out privately: imagining yourself described with different pronouns, using a neutral nickname online, or talking with a friend you trust. You can also change your mind. A label is a tool for explaining yourself, not a contract. Our guide to sexual orientation, gender identity and expression can help you separate the questions about who you are from the questions about who you love and how you dress.
Nonbinary people ask for something modest: to be described accurately and treated as the people they are. A few changes in words and habits are usually enough to make that possible.
